I try to practice gratitude everday. I learned about it 'the rooms' but I'm learning more about it here, from the wise people who talk about it and reach out to me, even though I'm a stranger. Maybe I'm 'doing it wrong'. (Que the negative self-talk). But it does seem to help others so much, yet I make one step forward, and take 4 back. I'm not sure what to do next, where to find the guidance I need. I read all kinds of theories about self-fufillment and finding happiness and peace within yourself. I know that's what I need to do, because that doesn't come from given to you, not from possessions, and other people don't provide it. Observation proves this. When you struggle with financial probems, it's tempting to think that if you had money, you'd be happy because your problems would be solved. But look how many gifted and wealthy people have taken their own lives. Yet we see old couples, with almost nothing, and they are happy just to have each other. Yes, I'm pretty sure happiness isn't dependent on your circumstances, but rather life, how live it, how contribute to it, and doing your best to make it a better place by the time you leave it, than when you got here. I certainly don't feel like I'm doing anything to make the world a better place.
Somehow, knowing this just isn't helping me all that much. I'm not feeling like I'm in a good place now, and its been getting worse. Being housebound most of the time isn't good, and the more I am, the more I find I don't want to go out. -- it's too much effort now. Staying home and vegging-out is becoming more comfortable. I'm so grateful to those of you who open your hearts, and write so honestly, cuz then I can see that others have these feelings to sometimes, and that helps me get through one more day sometimes. Thank you all, and for those of you struggling also, lets pray 2011 will be a bright new beginning of things to come. Happy New Year!
(some pics of the way 2010 began for me)
