You Want the Truth? I Can't Handle the Truth!

I try to practice gratitude everday. I learned about it 'the rooms' but I'm learning more about it here, from the wise people who talk about it and reach out to me, even though I'm a stranger. Maybe I'm 'doing it wrong'. (Que the negative self-talk). But it does seem to help others so much, yet I make one step forward, and take 4 back. I'm not sure what to do next, where to find the guidance I need. I read all kinds of theories about self-fufillment and finding happiness and peace within yourself. I know that's what I need to do, because that doesn't come from given to you, not from possessions, and other people don't provide it. Observation proves this. When you struggle with financial probems, it's tempting to think that if you had money, you'd be happy because your problems would be solved. But look how many gifted and wealthy people have taken  their own lives. Yet we see old couples, with almost nothing, and they are happy just to have each other. Yes, I'm pretty sure happiness isn't dependent on your circumstances, but rather life, how live it, how contribute to it, and doing your best to make it a better place by the time you leave it, than when you got here.  I certainly don't feel like I'm doing anything to make the world a better place.

Somehow, knowing this just isn't helping me all that much. I'm not feeling like I'm in a good place now, and its been getting worse. Being housebound most of the time isn't good, and the more I am, the more I find I don't want to go out.  -- it's too much effort now. Staying home and vegging-out is becoming more comfortable. I'm so grateful to those of you who open your hearts, and write so honestly, cuz then I can see that others have these feelings to sometimes, and that helps me get through one more day sometimes. Thank you all, and for those of you struggling also, lets pray 2011 will be a bright new beginning of things to come. Happy New Year!
(some pics of the way 2010 began for me)

Gratitude. Yeah I know.

I've Heard about gratitude. I've really tried to embrace it. But it wasn't until I read a blog. Oh, I wish I'd copied that link>  Anyway, thing is that once I truly got the meaning of gratitude, that it just made me more grateful, because practicing it, is the same as doing it, so we can always be grateful. Example:  Today were you grateful that grateful that someone brought you a hamburger, or  had heat in the house, or warm slippers, or talked to a family member on the phone.  Now ask yourself; what trouble did I cause someone today;--I kept typing while my son talked to me, or another level, I stepped on an aunt colony when I put a post in the ground, or I cut someone off in traffic, or talked about a person in way that wasn't nice, then ask youself;  what did you contribute; I brought my husband some  medicine. I helped an older person carry some bags to the car, I brought someone a hambuger.  It just all makes sense to me now.  I don't know.  I just new I had to write it somewhere that I knew I wouldn't lose it. Because it's approaching a year since the car fell on me, and looking back at 2010, I can say a lot has happened, but it's happened to the people around me, not me. I haven't really lived this past year. Now I'm going to start living. I want to go back to work as a nurse. This insight, that probably for most people is common sense is a new realization for me. My bones are healing, the pain is much better than a year ago, but it's not about any of that. It's that now I'm grateful for where I am, for all that I have, for the people I love and who love me back. From now I'm going to live everyday. I'm not going to try to do that. I'm going to do that. Everyday I will answer those 3 questions for myself. I will try to increase the 'improving things for others' category, but will look for ways each day, no matter how insignificant they may seem, and I will be grateful for things too, no matter how insignificant they may seem also. Right now I'm so grateful for the two bloggers who wrote about this before I did, and who put it in terms that I could grasp, because I feel like it is changing my life. Thank you, you 2 wonderful, insightful people. If you happen to see this, please add your link. Thanks!
http://thesefragileflames.blogspot.com/